Back near the end of July 2005 I wrote the following bit of explanation for some friends about my new interest:
Walking down the sidewalk near the house, in the sun, with Rudy’s hand in my right and Dexter’s hand in my left, is beyond my meager powers of description. I am filled to bursting and I don’t have the slightest way to scratch at the surface of what whirls inside me. Sometimes I feel regret, because being blinded by the sun, squinting the way I see Dexter squint, is one of my few memories of my father, and I remember I’ll never enjoy his enjoyment of Rudy or Dexter. Other times I feel a flutter of pride, because the boys are so affectionate, so naturally open to one another, and I feel confusion about that too, because I know that isn’t my natural inclination, so I am not sure where theirs is founded. I suspect I owe Nell for that part of them.

